Prog Snobs

Yes! More Fan Art!!

2008-08-13T16:26:00.005-05:00

http://www.mikeportnoy.com/forum/tm.aspx?m=2099281

Today, I present you some works from the portfolio of forum member, "ashleytsejam". Who, besides having an impossible to pronounce or spell username, has a passion for depicting Dream Theater members in 2B pencil.

After viewing these, I find the key to enjoying ashleytsejam's work, is to go deep within yourself, and really question the limits of human facial and forehead proportions. Also, hair is easier to draw if it's represented as a sharp, singular being.

Hmmm...is this a picture of Mike Portnoy? or John Myung? Maybe she's confused. I also was not aware that Portnoy was a Shriner, but what do I know, these prog fans are WAY more informed.

As if this wasn't enough to satisfy our cultural desires, ashleytsejam (you don't know how hard it is to type that name) has included a BONUS PIC! of John Petrucci!!! Hell Yeah!!

Well, I think it's John Petrucci, but it might actually be James Franco from Pineapple Express .
The eyes are the window to the soul, and I think his soul here is either baked, or just really tired.

To no surprise, the Portnoy faithful are quick to give praise...

Superted_your pictures are unbeleivably (sic) good! keep it up-cant wait to see the others!

Gee, thanks Superted!! Your inability to judge art or spell let's me know that you are superretarded!!!

NO7LUF_wow. i did a picture of mike back in art class about 2 years ago but i wasnt this good. great job!!! you are a very talented artist.

wow, this must be some fucking shitbomb of a drawing, I must see it!

Luckily, ashleystejam has 3 more members of Dream Theater to draw, so it'll only be a matter of weeks before we see James Labrie's watermelon-sized head, John Myung's unicorn horn, and Jordan Rudess's tentacles!

Dream Theater Fan Art FTW!!!

2008-08-06T12:01:00.007-05:00

http://www.mikeportnoy.com/forum/tm.aspx?m=1374942

Yes! there's nothing that screams desperation and isolation more than fan art! Like a hyena coming across a fresh, elephant carcass, it's pretty much my wet dream. Why?, well as anyone can tell you, fan art is NEVER good...not even remotely. But hey, maybe we're being too harsh, let's give "Michal" a chance, it is his first post and he's been working on these projects for a long time.

Jordan Rudess was trained at Juliard, and Michal was obviously also trained at a high level academy of the arts. Notice the subtle shadow of his beard making it look like he just swallowed a donut with gray frosting (YUM!). And man, Jordan must really be SHREDDING through this piano solo, look at his shirt folds! They're all over the place to try and keep his Crayola-colored arms in check. Luckily during this piece, Jordan was able to bring his full-size, baby-grand piano on stage...oh wait, he doesn't do that in real life?, oh well, I'm sure it's just artistic license. Oh and by the way, if you're thinking about ripping off Michal, just stop right there buddy, he copyrighted that shit..just try getting around THAT!!

OK, let's move on to some of Michal's interpretations of Dream Theater songs...

Wow, I'm sure when John Petrucci looks at this painting, he thinks to himself, "This is EXACTLY what I wanted to inspire by writing this song!". Now, to truly understand the genius behind this piece, we need to examine the lyrics to the song "In the Name of God". First off, the religious imagery he's added to the tempera paint background is obvious. (I mean, the word "God" is in the title). Then there's this line...

Lies
Tools of the devil inside
Written in Holy disguise
Meant to deceive and divide
Us all

well, this must be a reference to the Hannibal from the A-Team photo...makes perfect sense, because he was always in a disguise.

Forty sons and daughters
Un-consenting plural wives
Perversions
In the name of God

This explains the picture of the crowd of people to the right of the canvas...looks like that might be around 40.

And, I think that's about it. I think Michal just decided that to truly finish his vision he needed to add a picture from this Victoria Secret catalog ('cause tits make everything more kick ass), and since he see's a lot of "Scarface" stuff at Spencers in the mall...and everyone who wears it is cool, he added this Godfather picture from a Best Buy ad...close enough!

It's interesting to interpret the song "Disappear" since it is probably one of the worst Dream Theater songs. I honestly couldn't tell you how it goes, or what it's about, so I'm going to rely on Michal's interpretation. So it looks like the song is about a man, who struggles with a mysterious woman, who obviously makes up for her lack of legs with the ability to fly. They battle over the power a flaming apple that is home to a giant spider. The spider's name? ....unknown. The man can only fight his battle using the giant penis he has sculpted out of mud beside him and the power of his (almost) matching blue outfit.

Since I'm obviously no art critic, I wonder what the other fans think of Michal's creations?

Ink_That's amazing dude! Awesome project!! Well done

"amazing"? Probably more amazing that Michal is not actually 5 years old, as these pictures would suggest.
"Awesome project"? Actually, no...it's pretty bad actually
"Well Done"? Fail.

nant_While I am no artist, I can still relate to the general idea behind the art and concept.

wow, well, luckily for nant, Michal is also no artist. The fact that he can relate is troubling though.

govt_property_One comment though.... In the text of the PDF file, Dream Theater is written wrong. I've seen people nitpick about it in Photoshop competitions and I never noticed before then. If you look at any of your DT albums, you'll notice that the "a" is written differently both times it's used. I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of capitalizing one or the other. Photochop gurus would be able to help if you can't figure it out.

HA-HA! PWNED!!! Leave it a prog snob to totally shit on somene for not using the correct font for the band logo! Govt_Property, have you LOOKED at any of these paintings???? Dont' you think Michal should work more on his perspective, brush strokes, line weight, or his apparent lack of ANY artisitic ability?? Do you honestly think that the 2 "different 'a's" in the DT logo are the first thing he should address?

Well, I guess it's good to start small and work you're way up.

New Levels of Pathetic!

2008-07-28T10:10:00.007-05:00

So it's been a while since we posted here at Prog Snobs, but honestly, there hasn't been much to report. It's like the prog fans have been going outside and "talking to people"....well, maybe I won't go that far, but with ComicCon going on, I'm sure most of them have been busy. Hmm, maybe I'm not that far off, it seems like prog fans HAVE been venturing into the wild outside world....but not for human contact, but to get cool "tanline tattoos" of Dream Theater logos!

http://www.mikeportnoy.com/forum/tm.aspx?m=2069762

If you, like me, are a little bit sceptical (sic) about getting a tattoo, but would still like some kind of DT paraphernalia upon your person, Then this could be the thing for you. Seeing as the summer is upon us (Despite the rain ) I've decided that I'm going to somehow create a stencil of the Majesty symbol and lie in the sun with it on, Hopefully leaving a tan line that will resemble the famous logo that has represented DT for so long. Then I thought. Wouldn't it be cool if a lot of people on the forum did it too, and then posted pictures of theirs? (A lot like the Tattoo thread, except with Tan lines )

Umm...this is some sort of joke right? Who the fuck would think of this, let alone invest enough time in developing the stencil and then sunning themselves for something that will look terrible, peel off in a few days, and label them as a "Proggia-King of the Dorks"?

Spock's Brow_ I've actually always wanted to do this!

Guess I spoke too soon...

Usually an idea this lame would die a quick and painful death from embarrassment, but the hits keep coming!, apparently I'm the asshole here, because this is the best idea since the Mike Portnoy invented the internet!....

Yeah, I'm currently trying to figure out how to make the stencil... It's rather mind boggling.

Much like 19/16 time signature! Or talking to girls!

Leeroy_455_ Stupid idea my ass! Sounds great!

Thanks Leeroy, I can always count on you to make an asinine thread even more pathetic...

I seriously think I'd do it, it could be really cool. Post the pic of the tan, I wanna see how it turned out.

Do we really want to see how sad this venture becomes?....yeah, I guess we do=

(Wipes tears from eyes from hysteria) Now, this is usually where the insane amount of laughter and mocking would begin. But that's in the real world, in the world of the Prog Snob, nothing is too stupid when it comes to senseless time-wasting and showing your dedication to a band.

Cecilia_holy crap that's great! That's something I would totally do!

Of course, you're wasting your time posting on a message board, why wouldn't you waste MORE time getting a cool tanline tattoo??? And also, "Cecilia"?? a woman??...gotta be a plant....

Well, let's see what the reaction is to our hero's inventiveness

I went to a party type thing last night. ( sure you did...chatroom?) A lot of people thought I was a bit weird, But they had to admit that it was cool.

They're just trying so hard to not make you cry...

My parents think it's quite good too. I just remind them that I could be out beating people up and doing drugs, But instead, I'm having good clean fun

Please, do us all a favor and start doing drugs, stop wasting bandwidth on you personal experiments in ridiculous fanboyism.

WOW!! No one CARES!!

2008-07-01T10:25:00.003-05:00

I love it when someone's mundane life events becomes big news on a message board...and that people actually chime in to justify it

http://www.mikeportnoy.com/forum/tm.aspx?m=2065759

I was going through all the music I had a few minutes ago, and started to give The Perfect Element another spin to see if I could get into it..... I never really liked it, though....... until now!

HOLY SHIT!! this is awesome news!! Now, Pain of Salvation can afford clothes!

I don't know what happened though.... all of a sudden the music sounded appealing, and was actually enjoyable. I am really surprised.

O' mysteries of earth...whilst thou reveal thyself???

I had never really thought anything above 'meh' of this band. Anybody else have the same thing happen?

Unfortunately for us...yes

oh, and if you've never heard Pain of Salvation? don't... it's unicorn shite

Luckily, our enlightened one has some people that feel JUST LIKE HIM! (Weird!!)

Same thing happenend with me until January this year.

They are now one of my top 5 favorite bands.

"Fuck yeah JRundquist, this is an amazing honor. You realize you've made it when you've received the "JRundquist Top 5" award"
-Members of Pain of Salvation

hmmm...maybe our good friend Leeroy455 can add something to this train wreck of a conversation...(doubt it)

Dont you love it when things just click.. (I was right)

I got into PoS a few weeks ago (thanks to this forum) and i love them.

never underestimate the power of the internet and it's ability to sway weak-minded nerds

Why Isnt Prog more POPULAR?!?!?!?!

2008-07-01T09:54:00.003-05:00

Prog fans love to bitch and complain how prog is so much "better" than normal music. And while I'm no fan of Top-40 hitz, this argument that all people should listen to is Dream Theater falls a little flat...mainly because there's no reasoning behind it.

http://www.mikeportnoy.com/forum/tm.aspx?m=2065963

A short rant/anecdote because I'm sure you guys will get where I'm coming from...

of course they do...they're all musically advanced like you

I work at a Taco Bell. We don't have a store mix or anything, so the managers are allowed to put on whatever radio station they want. 3 out of the 4 choose Star 104 "Erie's number 1 hit music station!". You wouldn't believe how happy it makes most of my co-workers.

I'm pretty sure that customers enjoy their Border Crunch Wrap more when listening to the 25-minute live version of A Mind Beside Itself...but that's just common scientific knowledge.

I realize that pop music is, in fact, popular, but I had no idea that people actually got THIS into it. One can only take so much of hearing the same 15 or so songs over and over again for a 7 hour shift with occasional girls singing along. This is honestly stupid music for stupid people.

SO DUMB! NO SOLOS!

Luckily, fucking badass "Leeroy455" gives his 2 cents...

I too am sick of it. It disgusts me.. Bands like Dream Theater deserve the fame and fortune, not these wannabe's..

IMO, pop music is going downhill and always has been. Its getting worse and worse..

that's right! hear that people??? Since you're so dumb and like DUMB music, Dream Theater isn't rich! It's your fault Take the Time isn't played at every wedding! Don't you know it's so much better than Love Shack because it has parts in 7!!!!

Welcome to Prog Snobs!

2008-06-29T13:01:00.003-05:00

"Hi, my name is Mark....and I like prog...."

Why should this statement be cause for embarrassment? Well, look around, you'll see it's not the music, but the fans of progressive rock that cause me to shake my head

the internet has given everyone a voice, and like me, there are many douchebags content on using it to broadcast their voice....no matter how trivial or delusional. Message Boards to all major prog bands have an incredible number of completely unrealistic people that cry and whine when these bands:

A: don't release every show on DVD/CD
B: don't play 4-5 hour setlists
C: don't get respect from others
D: don't play shows in their hometown for free, in front of their own friends (which they have none)

This site is going to be dedicated to these people...not all prog rock fans, but those that give the genre a bad name. I'm sure to get a LOT of hate mail from this...it should be fun!